The Skills of Everyday Life
Posted May 25, 2011
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Commencement energizes me. For years I have made it a point to attend commencement exercises at the institutions I have served even when I wasn’t required to be there. It’s not the pageantry, though I do appreciate the traditions and symbols of the ceremony. It’s also not the institutional milestone the event represents as another year is recorded and entrusted to the archives. It’s the stories. The audience is filled with family members who remember the beginnings of these lives; the processional is lined with friends who shared the path of intellectual and professional development; and beneath each cap and gown is a person who has traveled a unique journey of personal discovery.
I became acquainted with Sarah early in the academic year. She was a student leader, a resident assistant and an activist. She is passionate about the great challenges facing humanity and seeks to make a difference. During the fall semester, she raised money for cancer research by pledging to shave her head if she reached her goal. As the semester drew to a close, I saw her walk across campus with brightly colored hair that would soon be offered in exchange for donations. One day we were having a quick conversation and the subject of bike riding surfaced. Sarah explained that she did not like bike riding. About 12 years ago she was involved in a serious bike accident that left her reluctant to ever ride again. As I extolled the virtues of bike riding, she began to politely withdraw from the conversation until I said to her, “I won’t give you your diploma next spring unless you ride a bike around the pond.” Sarah is not the kind of person to shrink from a challenge, so she agreed to add this to her senior year goals.
From time to time I am approached by someone who has an idea for a new course. The courses they have in mind are not ones typically offered in the core curriculum or major departments of a college or university, but the topics are nevertheless important within society. They never have a name for the course and they often can’t explain exactly how it would work. So I refer to it as the “Skills of Everyday Life” course. I understand the intent, but I’ve never been sure how to write a course description or outline learning objectives. After all, this is the job of parents.
When Tammy and I set off on parenting nearly 20 years ago, we were eager to provide our children with the everyday skills needed for success. We began with what we believed would be simple things like “eat when it’s time to eat” and “go to bed when it’s time to go to bed.” Little did we know, our parenting skills would be forged in the crucible of mealtimes and bedtimes. I won’t even discuss potty-training. Mercifully, the focus turned to important skills like walking, talking and saying goodbye. As time passed we were on to crossing the street, swimming, and of course, bike riding. The list does not end there, however, as banking, driving and working emerged in the high school years. Since I spend considerable time with college students I also have learned the development of everyday skills is recursive – eating and sleeping are back on the list now, but for different reasons.
The roles and responsibilities of parents are quite different from the roles and responsibilities of educators – or are they? By the time students are enrolled in college, we reasonably expect they will be able to manage their day-to-day lives successfully. The individual work of parenting should be complete by that time. Our work as educators then relates essentially to intellectual, personal, professional and social development, building on successful parenting. Yet, we often talk about educating the whole person, including physical and emotional health, as well as balance in the things that challenge us academically with others that appeal to our aesthetic and athletic interests. Economic success also plays a critical role these days as financial futures are less certain than we would care to admit. It’s a pretty broad spectrum when you think about it. Just as parents think about the overall well-being of our children’s experience, should we as educators see our students through the same lens? Maybe the difference is found in the community setting of a college and the collective benefits derived from the environment we share. Maybe in this environment, we parent each other. This is a different kind of in loco parentis.
Those who have approached me about the “Skills of Everyday Life” course, suggest such topics as personal finance, coping with large bureaucracies, parenting, caregiving, appropriate use of alcohol, integrity, fidelity and stress management, among others. Perhaps they see a pattern in society where success or failure is often determined by how well we manage our lives in addition to how much we know about the world.
As higher education has been increasingly commoditized in recent years, the societal pressure is to rely simply on the accumulation of credits, courses, credentials and careers as the path to success. If we agree, then we should design programs to be as efficient as possible in the delivery of instructional activity. One size should fit all. Let’s get to the point. But if we are educators, then we understand each student is unique and looking for customization, flexibility and a chance to explore. It’s important for some to experience failure for the first time in lives that are too often carefully scripted and overly protected. It’s equally important for others to experience success for the first time as they overcome challenges, disadvantages and past mistakes.
My assignment for Sarah to ride a bike around the pond was an unusual graduation requirement – not one approved by the faculty. Yet, my test for her, coupled with her willingness to participate, created an opportunity for a small step of personal development.
I received her email a few days before commencement. She was ready to satisfy her final requirement. We met outside Central Hall. We stood by the bike for a few minutes just getting comfortable with the idea of riding. I asked if being near the bike made her nervous. She indicated that it did, but was still ready to press on. We then walked with the bike about a third of the way around the pond, when I suggested that it was her moment to ride. It was a wobbly ride at first, but gradually she gained her balance and began to ride ahead of me. A friend of hers was walking by and as Sarah saw her she shouted, “I’m riding a bike for the first time in 12 years!”
About the Author
I'm the lucky individual who carries the title, 21st president of Central College in Pella, Iowa. Passionate about higher education and the issues facing it and the world today, I hope to invoke an engaging conversation with all who are ready to dig in, make a difference and build for the future. Share your thoughts. I'm listening and interested.
Comment
16 responses to The Skills of Everyday Life
As an education major, I love seeing Central College staff push students to their highest potential. I often think of elementary or high school students needing to be pushed, but sometimes it never happens.
In High School, I was never given opportunities to travel, form my opinions about various topics or develop “skills of life.” Outside (as well as inside) my coursework, I have developed those skills because of the professors and staff that knew I had it in me.
I NEVER wanted to leave home. I NEVER wanted to walk 7 miles on the Great Wall. I NEVER wanted to share my Christian Faith with strangers. Now, I can’t picture life without those experiences.
As I prepare to leave Central College for the semester to home-school a missionary family in Niger, I think about all the times I thought my professors were just trying to make my life more stressful. “Why did Dr. Streed pencil in a semester abroad, I’m not going. I’m going to get out of here as soon as possible and continue my routine life.” She wasn’t trying to make my life more stressful, she knew this experience was necessary in my development. I needed to see what it was like to leave Iowa. I needed to learn that “routine,” actually, isn’t my forte. Professors and staff give off an everlasting dedication to seeing each student individually grow and experience life in a meaningful way.
In many ways I share the view that the skills of everyday life should be the responsibility of the family, but it soon becomes clear that this is not enough, nor often enough a reality. With 6 siblings, only two of them younger than I, I remember learning lots of life skills as a child, and quite a lot of passing them on to my younger brother and sister. In school it is clearly the teachers who did teach these skills who I remember as “excellent,” but I had a fair share of those who taught little but academic skills, and these often in fairly unimaginative ways. Graduate school convinced me that one-on-one learning maximizes mastery of both everyday and academic skills, and working with students in lab research areas became my favorite method of infusing both everday life skills and academic skills in students. To the extent that this is possible, I still think this is one of the most positive ways of teaching that can be done in a liberal arts college, and my contacts with these “research” students over the years convinces me further of the value of this type of instruction.
As an English teacher, each year I present my seniors with a unique opportunity. The last two weeks of the school year are theirs. They tell me what they want to learn and I will teach it or find someone to come and teach it. This year my students chose financial planning. None of them had extensive experience managing their finances or had even seen a credit report. I taught them how to create a budget, the consequences of not planning well, and how to read a credit report. Although this is not within my certification, the parents and students alike applauded the curriculum. It was opportunities like these at Central that instilled my love of flexible, fluid education.
The longer I’ve been out of college and away from my parents the more I’ve discovered what I don’t know about everyday life. Who teaches you what to do when your water heater dies or the roof needs to be replaced? Who teaches you how to value your worth when applying for a new job? Who teaches you the “easier” way that many have only discovered after living a lifetime? Hard to say where that knowledge should get passed down. But I press on and if it takes three tries to repair the toilet then at least I’ll know the better way next time.
My son will be an incoming freshman in the fall. I really appreciate what you are shedding light on in this post. It looks like my son will be in the right place to grow over the next four years. I thought Seth Godin made some interesting thoughts about high school recently.
Posted by Seth Godin on May 07, 2011 | Permalink | TrackBack (0)
What’s high school for?
Perhaps we could endeavor to teach our future the following:
How to focus intently on a problem until it’s solved.
The benefit of postponing short-term satisfaction in exchange for long-term success.
How to read critically.
The power of being able to lead groups of peers without receiving clear delegated authority.
An understanding of the extraordinary power of the scientific method, in just about any situation or endeavor.
How to persuasively present ideas in multiple forms, especially in writing and before a group.
Project management. Self-management and the management of ideas, projects and people.
Personal finance. Understanding the truth about money and debt and leverage.
An insatiable desire (and the ability) to learn more. Forever.
Most of all, the self-reliance that comes from understanding that relentless hard work can be applied to solve problems worth solving.
I like these ideas, Kevin. I also would like to promote the teaching of mindfulness skills. Teaching these skills has revolutionized psychology and our understanding of how to work with trauma, emotions, impulses, and relationships. The brain can actually change with these skills, and people can live with more awareness, emotional attunement, and happiness.
Additionally, the lived mindfulness experience for all people will improve their lives and the lives of those they encounter. I love the idea. I teach the mindfulness curriculum developed by Ronald Epstein at University of Rochester to all the staff and students that work in and rotate through palliative medicine. In June, I will be visiting the Whole Person Caring center at McGill to learn more. I am wondering how we embed mindfulness as a longitudinal aspect of professionalism at the undergraduate level? I didn’t learn about this until my Palliative Medicine Fellowship years after departing Central, medical school, residency and geriatrics fellowship.
Dr. Ingram:
I am a Central graduate and a public health professional currently seeding a new focus on the health and well-being of women 50 + between the HHS/Office of Women’s Health and the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. I was interested to see you that you, as a fellow alumni, are vested in (some of) the issues core to my endeavor. I would be very interested in connecting with you to further explore your insights in this field. Please feel free to contact me via email if you are so inclined. Thank you. Mary E. Worstell, MPH.
I love your story about Sarah. I wish you had included prayer and worship as basic skills for ordinary living. See the book “Desiring the Kingdom” by James Smith.
As a member of the class of 1969 and former editor of the Central Ray, I’m glad to also welcome you to Central. It’s a special place.
The skills I see missing most in our young people are personal responsibility and respect for others — for their property as well as their opinions. Life today has become so coarsened, hopefuly we can help make it better. Plus I agree with John Muyskens — please include worship in basic skills. To God be the Glory.
As a student at Central, I am involved in Campus Ministries.. by choice. I do think that it would be a great idea to include “prayer and worship” in the teaching of life skills, but that is something different for everyone. We cannot force non-Christians to pray a certain way. In the same light, a Muslim cannot force someone else to eat like them. (showing that it can go either way) Central can merely offer different outlooks and each persons own perspective on how they pray, worship, eat, etc. and show others the impact it has had on their lives.
Religion is something that students have to personally develop, but it’s not like riding a bike. It changes and is ever-growing. And most importantly it’s different for everyone- even different among Christians.
Religion always seems to tie into EVERYTHING because for some cultures, it is a lifestyle, but it may be safe to assume that tying this into the post would make it obvious that Dr. Putnam has a religious preference, when in all honesty, all students should be encouraged to think outside their own religious knowledge and background.
and by “force” I guess I mean “impose” or “lead students to”
A quote from the blog entry: “It’s important for some to experience failure for the first time in lives that are too often carefully scripted and overly protected.”
That sound you just heard was a hammer hitting a nail right on the head. As a Central faculty member, I try hard to help my students understand that it’s OK to be wrong sometimes. It’s OK to make mistakes, and even to fail…provided you learn something from the experience.
I’m working to educate a generation of students who are happy to sit in class, smile politely, and nod their way through their classes without immersing themselves in their education. And I believe the primary reason for this is the peer pressure the students implicitly feel.
Basically, the culture amongst our students right now is that it is unacceptable to raise one’s hand in class and actually make the request “Can you repeat what you just said?” or “Can you explain that a bit further? I didn’t quite understand.”
It’s interesting to note that there are some situations in our world (art, for example) where, if one doesn’t take risks and make mistakes, then they aren’t really working hard enough.
Mark, you’re absolutely correct: there is so much to learn from failure. There are many of us working hard to help students understand this concept.
I LOVE this! What an empowering training moment for Sarah.
Mark
First Welcome to the CUI family. As a 68 alum I have seen many good presidents at CUI and it appears as if we have another “winner”…good luck and God’s speed.
Regarding your article about teaching a “skills” course…I presently teach for Grace College, Winona Lake IN as an adjunct professor behind the prison walls within the Indiana DOC. What a blessing. But more than anything they NEED a course like this and I have been pondering for months what to do…so your article has challenged me to see what I can do to put something together that can give these guys a better opportunity to become successful upon release from prison, because, 92% of them will be released at some point in the future and very possibly could be our neighbor.
To whom much is given, much is required. It’s not only a privilege, but a responsibility to continue to pour into others..to encourage and challenge. The older I get, the more I recognize what it means to be a life-long learner, as well as a life-long teacher. When my children were younger, I looked for “teachable” moments. My children are grown, yet God places people in my sphere of influence, to pour into, to encourage, to challenge, and thankfully, He continues to send others to teach me. I’m grateful for those professors, administrators, cleaning ladies and countless others who taught, challenged and encouraged me while I was at Central